Lenalee's Heart
by redaintred
Summary: How Lenalee felt after Allen had left.
1. Prolouge

She looked at him with gloomy eyes. It was hard for her to think that this person, the person that she trusted the most, the person that would be 'The Destroyer of Time', the hero of this never-ending tale of war and woes, the savior of mankind, might just leave one day and betray the Order, betray her, betray her trust, betray his friends, betray the world.

She wondered, who should she see him as if he did leave? As a traitor? As an enemy? As a friend? As a foe? As a Noah? As a monster? As Allen Walker? Would she forget about him, maybe? She didn't know, and this unknowing feeling weighed down on her shoulders.

She didn't want him to leave. She didn't want to be betrayed by him. She didn't want to lose him. She didn't want to think of him as an enemy, a traitor, a foe, a Noah, a monster. She didn't want to forget about him.

He turned around and looked her way. His gray eyes made her think about the cloudy sky. Ever since she met him, she has loved the overcastted skies, adored it.

"What's wrong Lenalee? You look a little bothered about something." He smiled a smile that she could never live without, she realized.

"It's nothing, Allen-kun." As those words left her lips, she knew she could not forget about him, ever.


	2. 1

She woke up, one morning. Her thoughts were filled with worry for him. She was concerned for him. She was anxious for him. But she quickly shooed those emotions away, filling her heart with optimistic hope. There's still a chance that he will not change for the worse, and that he'll never let her down, and she held on to that, because that's all that she has.

She walked down the stairs as gracefully as ever, her eyes shining brightly, her smile beamed with hope and sincerity, her long dark hair flowed behind her beautifully.

Downstairs, she found that the supervisor was making an announcement. She hurried herself and ran quietly to the red-haired bookman. She opened her mouth to ask what was going on, but she paused as she saw his pale face, his sad eyes, his bitten lip, and his clenched fist.

"What's going on, Lavi?" she asks. Anxiety laced with melancholy dripped from her voice. She sensed something was wrong. Something was gravely wrong.

The words that came out of his mouth felt like a death sentence to her. A single sentence that crushed her world, along with her dreams, along with her hope – her false hope, she realized now. A single sentence that also crushed her heart into tiny fragments. Her eyes that glowed brightly before has now dimmed, as if extinguished by the pain and betrayal that she felt. A part of her cursed Lavi for bursting her bubble. And the words he said echoed again and again in her head, and will forever haunt her, until she breathed her life away.

"Allen left the Order for the Noahs."

It's been months since Allen had left. The daily activities in the Order went on just as usual, despite the fact that exorcists are not able to use the Ark anymore, and were forced to use normal transportation. The days went by without a single person saying Allen's name.

Excluding Lenalee Lee.

Since Allen left, she hadn't gone to any major missions. She was too afraid that her condition right now would bring her friends hindrance. But deep down, she knew she only fears that if it gets too dangerous, nobody would be able to protect her, the way Allen had countless of times. She spent most of her time in her room, only coming out to get some food. Sometimes she trained in the training room, but her heart is never into it. She forced a smile every time someone asks if she was okay, and she pretended to be happy when her brother's around. But longing is the only feeling she really had.

Lenalee longs for Allen.

She yearned for him so much, but she knew no matter what she does he'd never come back. She knew all too well the loyalty the Noahs had for the Millennium Earl.

She dreamt of him sometimes though, and those are the only moments when she is truly happy. She has dreams about her memories of Allen. The first time they met, the first mission they shared, the times that Allen had saved her, but every time she woke up, and every time she realizes that they were just fragments of her memory, she would curl up into a ball and cried, forcing herself back to sleep so she could dream again.

Now she stood as still as a graceful marble statue, eyeing the stars in the night sky through her bedroom window. She caught a glimpse of a shooting star, and then closed her eyes and made a wish. It was the same wish every time; to see Allen once again, and to tell him how much she covets him.

She made her way to her bed, and with each step her excitement grew, just as it does every other night, for it might perhaps be one of those times that she gets to dream of him.

She closed her eyes, and hummed a tune that Allen had always hummed.

"Lenalee?"

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Lenalee, it's me."

She didn't dare open her eyes. She knew to whom that voice belonged. She wants to spare herself the disappointment.

"Lenalee, please open your eyes."

A warm hand rested on her shoulder. If this was only a dream, then she couldn't have felt this right?

She opened her eyes.

And he there he was, the person she wants to see more than anyone else. Allen stood beside her bed, his gray hair appeared white under the moonlight and his skin looked pale. But he was still Allen. Her Allen.

Tears ran down her cheeks. Her pink lips tugged into a grin. She jumped off her bed and flung her arms around him.

"Allen!" She felt him hugging her back.

"I've missed you, Lenalee."

Lenalee didn't know what to say. She had never felt so happy in her whole life. She silently begged God, whom she detests, to let this moment last forever. If God could make it so, she thought, I wouldn't care if He destroys the world, as long as I can be with Allen.

"Lenalee, look at me, listen to me," Allen's voice had become stern.

She dared not look up.

"Lenalee," Allen gently held Lenalee's face and lowered his head so he could meet her teary gaze.

"Listen, I haven't much time. I just came to tell you that I'm fine, despite my... current condition." He paused, to let her focus on his words. He knew how much of a shock this must be for her.

"I've also come to tell you that," he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "That the next time we meet, we might be fighting against each other." He continued in a softer voice. "I can't go back. I can never go back to my old life, ever again."

Lenalee looked into his gray eyes, which she had come to love.

"Don't say that," her voice cracked. She cleared her throat, and tried again. "Don't say that, Allen."

"Lenalee, you know this to be true."

"I..." She couldn't say anything because she knew he was right. She knew that things could never go back to the way they were before.

She knew that to be with Allen, extreme measures must be taken.

She looked at Allen with eyes filled with determination. "Yes, I know, and if... if you really can't go back, then take me with you."

Allen was taken aback. He didn't expect this. Lenalee is someone who cares very much about everyone in the Order, and she despises the Earl and his Noahs. So for her to take this kind of decision... It finally dawned on him how much of him leaving had affected her. He had scarred her, changed her into something that was totally different from the Lenalee that he knew. This Lenalee was up for anything, even leaving her precious ones behind.

Allen made a crooked smile and slowly shook his head. "You don't know what you're saying, Lenalee."

"Yes, I do! Allen, I've gone through this in my head countless of times. I know that this means that I would probably have to fight against my brother and everyone else, and I don't care! I don't care... as long as I'm with you."

Allen's expression became serious. "Have you ever thought about the Earl and the other Noahs? I don't think they would take kindly of your joining."

Lenalee couldn't believe it. She felt so stupid for not thinking about it in this perspective. Of course they wouldn't like her suddenly poking her head into their business. Slowly, she sat down on her bed, feeling as depressed as when she first found out Allen had left.

"I'm so sorry Lenalee. I never meant for it to be like this." He leveled his gaze with hers, held her face and slowly leaned forward until their lips met.

Lenalee felt her face burning, and then, realizing that this kind of moment will never happen again, she kissed him back.

When their lips parted, she opened her mouth to say something, but he placed his finger gently on her lips. "Shh," he said. "I have one more thing for you." He took something out of his shirt pocket, and placed on her palm and them closed her fingers around it. "There."

She opened her hand and saw a silver butterfly necklace. Its wings were adorned with diamonds that gleamed under the moonlight.

"I hope you like it, my dear Lenalee."

She closed her eyes.

"Allen..."

When she opened them again she was laying sprawled across her bed. The early morning light shone through the window, blinding her eyes.

Allen.

Lenalee suddenly sat upright and scanned her almost empty room. Allen wasn't here. Her heart sank. So it was just another dream, she thought.

She sat on the edge of her bed, pulled her legs and held them close to her chest. She was just about to rest her hand on her knee when she felt something in her hand. She unclasped her hand and saw the necklace, the necklace that Allen gave to her in her dream. Only it wasn't a dream. It had been real. Everything that had happened last night was real. Lenalee held on to the necklace, looked at the floor and started crying. She wasn't sure if it was because last night was real, or if it was because she would never get to see Allen again.

But one thing is for sure.

Even if Allen kills her,

Lenalee would still love Allen, and nothing in the world will ever change that.


End file.
